


When the levee breaks

by SquirrelWinchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating Dean, Dean's POV, F/M, Infidelity, Jealousy, POV Dean Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 09:07:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5411045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquirrelWinchester/pseuds/SquirrelWinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The mark of Cain takes over and Dean ends up in bed with another woman. What will his long-term girlfriend do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	When the levee breaks

**Author's Note:**

> I don't like fics where cheating is easily forgiven, no matter the reason, so I made this a lot more angsty than usual. I still hope you'll enjoy it though.

“Surprise!!!” Alex yelled as she barged in the dark motel room where Dean was staying, excited and anticipating a long, steamy night full of love and lust. The hunt was over much sooner than Sammy and she expected, so she told him not to call Dean and tell him that they are coming back earlier, in order to surprise him. He didn’t go with them because the mark was getting harder to control and he tried to avoid all situations where he could lose it and bring everybody in danger. So, he opted to stay behind in a motel near the town they were hunting and do the research, although it wasn’t really his favorite thing. He was worried about Alex and Sammy, but he knew that they were a good team, and that Alex was more than capable to fill his place at Sammy’s side. He just missed her very much when she was away, and that happened quite often lately. He even was a little jealous, although he would never admit it to them, or to himself. Alex and Sammy had a special connection that not even he shared with her. They were a couple for more than a year, ever since they stumbled upon each other on a hunt, and kind of fell in love the first time they met. It took 2 months and a lot of hidden touches and looks, and a big dose of Sammy to get them together, but after that, it was the best relationship that Dean or Alex ever had. They were equals in every way, as hunters, as intellectuals and as lovers, and Dean was the happiest he had been in a long while. That made Sammy happy, and he thanked everyday whatever it was that brought them all together. But then, 4 months ago, Dean got this damned mark so that he could kill Abadon and ever since, the tension grew and he became more unpredictable and more violent every day, until they finally decided that he was in no condition to hunt until the mark was gone. All three, including Cas were doing everything possible to find a cure, but it was a long and tiring process and Dean was starting to lose faith. He drank too much, feeling lonely and left behind; he missed his girlfriend and his brother; he had never felt so lost before. So, going out to the bar alone that night didn’t seem like such a bad idea to him. One beer turned into ten really quickly, accompanied by countless shots and the cute bartender started looking more and more like Alex. When the bar closed, she and he were the only people left there, and as he was in no condition to drive, the girl drove him to the motel, helped him to his room, and somehow they ended up in bed together. He was still quite drunk when the door barged open and Alex flew in, a wide smile spread across her face. He woke up, feeling relieved and incredibly warm like every time when he saw her face and started getting up to grab her in his arms, but then her expression changed. From happy and smiling, her features turned into surprise and pain. So much pain. He didn’t know what was going on, until something stirred next to him and he looked at the bed beside him. The cute bartender was there, naked and looking at him questioningly. Dean gulped, paled and jumped off the bed, not realizing that he was also naked and started towards Alex to explain, but she took a step back and lifted her hands, her eyes full of tears. He stopped, looking at her pleadingly, her pain reflected on his face. “Baby” he started, but she took another step back and shook her head. “Don’t Dean” she whispered. He gulped at the sound of her voice, ice cold and calm. Too calm. He would rather she screamed or punched him, or yelled or cried, anything but this quiet, terrifying calm. “Please Alex, I…” he tried again, desperation in his voice, but she cut him off “You ruined it Dean, you ruined everything” and then she turned around and ran out of the room, jumped in her car and drove off. Dean ran to catch her, but she was too quick and he was too naked to follow her, so he just stood there and watched the closed door as her car drove away, tears streaming down his cheeks. His knees gave up and he kneeled on the floor weeping. Sam knocked and opened the door “Hey Dean, where did Alex go? I saw her car leaving… “and then saw his brother on the floor, his head in his hands. “Dean, what happened, are you all right?” He helped him up, taking in his naked body. “Why the hell are you naked?” He looked at the bed and saw the girl there. “You stupid idiot” he whispered as everything fell together. “You stupid, stupid idiot” he repeated, fished out his phone from the pocket and started dialing her number. “Alex, pick up, please, Alexandra, call me” he said when the voice mail picked up. He sat on the bed next to Dean and put his head in his hands. They sat so through the whole night, not talking, just staring straight ahead, Dean choking in his own pain and guilt, and Sam terrified for Alex and for his brother, knowing what this would do to both of them.

Alex drove and drove and drove, her vision clouded by the tears, her head swimming from the unbearable pain. You can do it, you can do it she repeated over and over again, reminding herself to breathe. After a couple of hours she saw a vacancy sign in front of a motel, parked, took a room and stayed there for the next three days, not knowing where she was or what she was doing. She switched her phone off so that the boys couldn’t track her down, curled up in the bed and stared at the wall. She couldn’t even cry anymore. There wasn’t enough life left in her for crying. She felt completely empty, devoid of all feelings and thoughts. After the third day, she finally left the bed, hunger and thirst driving her out in the sun again. She took a shower, dressed, ate and switched her phone back on, knowing that the boys would come as soon as they got the signal. Not two hours later, she heard the familiar rumble of the Impala, and her heart jumped a little, only to be silenced again by that image that she just couldn’t get out of her mind. She braced herself, took a deep breath and opened the door.

As soon as the door opened Sammy grabbed her in a bear hug, lifting her off the ground, exhaling loudly in relief. “Alex, we were so worried. Don’t you ever do something like this to us again. Please, promise me” he said, his head still buried in her hair. She was facing towards the door in Deans’ direction, and when she saw him, his face pale and tired, dark circles around his reddened eyes, a look of utter desperation, she almost caved in and ran to him, but instead, she just closed her eyes in Sammy’s arms and whispered “ok Sammy, I promise I won’t.” She let him go stepping aside, nodding to Dean to come in. They sat on the table and Dean cleared his throat and started talking, looking straight into Alex’ eyes: “Alex, I’m so sorry, I never, never wanted to hurt you like that” his tears started choking him and he had to look away and take a deep breath in order to continue, but she raised her hand and stopped him. “It’s ok Dean, you don’t have to say it. I already know how sorry you are, and that you never meant to hurt me, and that she didn’t mean anything. So please, just stop. I’m sorry too that I disappeared like this, but I just needed some alone time to clear my head. That’s all. Everything is cool, we can go home now.” She looked at Sammy as she said the last part and he was more than surprised by her calm tone and rational words. Dean didn’t look so hopeful. He knew what this tone meant. Alex never hid her emotions. When she was angry she screamed, when she was happy she laughed, but this quiet and calm voice, this was terrifying him. This meant that she gave up, that she surrendered and that she didn’t care anymore. That she gave up on them, on him. He held his breath as she was speaking, feeling that the little safe haven he built around her, his only peaceful place was gone.  
“Really, you’ll go back with us? Oh Alex, thanks” Sammy gushed, jumped up and started packing her things, throwing them in the bag, wanting to get out of here as soon as possible. She just sat there, watching him, not speaking, not moving, avoiding Deans’ eyes that were glued on her, begging for some kind of sign from her. She felt his tension, and her heart broke every time she glanced at his face, but she was hurt, really hurt, all her dreams were crushed, and all she could feel was the enormous emptiness that made her almost choke. Still, she didn’t want to see him in such a pain, so she drew her whole strength, turned to him and said: “Listen Dean, don’t worry, it’s ok, really, it is.” He yelped, so she grabbed his hand and looked him in the eyes. “You are still my best friend, and I still love you as one. Just because we didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean that we have to lose our friendship too. You and Sammy, you are my family. You are the only people that I trust with my life, and I really don’t want to lose that. I just need some time, some space, so maybe it won’t feel the same, but it is. You really hurt me Dean, and that’s not something that will go away quickly, but I’ll survive. I only ask that you never speak of it again, never apologize, and never try to make it right, because you can’t. Is that ok with you?” Dean couldn’t control his tears, they were streaming down his face now and all he could do was nod. She squeezed his hand and let him go. He knew that that will be the last time he ever felt her touch and that thought left him broken. He stood up and looked at Sammy.  
“Can you ride with Alex please?”  
“Yeah” Sammy said. He mumbled “see ya’” and went to the Impala, sat in the drivers’ seat and sped off towards the bunker. Alex sighed and helped Sammy with the packing, and they left soon after. Sam tried to talk to her about it in the car, but she just shook her head and looked straight ahead, so he gave up.

A month passed, and things got seemingly back to normal in the bunker. After she took all her things from their shared room and moved into another, the three of them went back to their routines, spending their time in research and hunting. The tone was civilized, they even got back to joking and laughing, or at least Sammy and Alex did. Dean tried to participate in their banter, but he was just too tired and too sad to be able to. So he just sat there most of the time, bent down over a book and watched them running about their days, smiling halfheartedly at a joke, or making a sly comment or even watching the occasional Harry Potter movie with them. He made an effort to function during the day, not wanting to worry Sammy or Alex too much, but his nights were virtual hell. He couldn’t sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, that ghostly expression on Alex’s face as she saw him with another woman haunted him. He had hurt her so much; the one person that loved him unconditionally, unquestioningly, and he went and tore her heart out. He saw her sadness buried deep behind that forced smile she gave him every time their eyes met, and thousand daggers went through his already crushed heart. He missed her. He missed her to the point of waking up from his nightmare, all sweaty, fighting for air and gasping, only to realize that it was not a nightmare. She was really gone. She was here, in the other room, but she might as well be on the moon. She wasn’t where she belonged, in his arms. But his pain was bearable. He could live with that. It was her pain that drove him crazy, that wouldn’t let him sleep. So he drank all night, and stared at the wall, and then drank some more. The days were not so bad, because he had a chance to see her, but the nights were his personal hell.

Two months later, they decided to go out, all three of them, to try and pretend for at least one night that things were back to normal, as they used to be. Dean tried to avoid hard liquor, but when Alex went to the bar to get some drinks, and he saw how many men swarmed around her, battling for her attention, his whole body tensed, clouding his mind in jealousy, and he shut his eyes rubbing the mark that thirsted for the blood of every man that wanted what was his. No, stupid, not yours a voice in his head said, and it crushed him all over again. The knowledge that she wasn’t his killed him every time. Sammy noticed and sat beside him, draping an arm around his shoulder loosely, trying to give his big brother some comfort.  
“She’ll get over it Dean, don’t worry. She’ll come back to you.” He was trying to convince him, but wasn’t really sure himself.  
“I really screwed up this time Sammy” Dean whispered. “I will never be able to repair the damages I have done. But I was just so lonely, and that girl reminded me so of her and I lost control just for a second. And now I have to pay for it for the rest of my wretched life. And it’s ok, I deserve it. What’s killing me is that she doesn’t deserve this.”  
Sam was taken aback by his brothers’ honesty, and not being able to find the right words, he just sat there with him, feeling his pain. Dean was thankful for Sammy’s help. At least he forgave him. One of the men put a hand on Alex’ shoulder and he had to look away, caught the eye of the waiter and ordered a whiskey. He downed one shot, smiled at Sammy and said he was leaving, not being able to breathe there anymore. Sammy didn’t feel like staying either, so he went to Alex to ask her if she wanted to leave or stay, but she was actually relaxing for the first time since that bloody mess started, and she shook her head and said that she’ll catch a cab home. She searched for Dean, but he was already gone, so she swallowed her pain and turned to the man she was talking to, donning a shot and trying to ban Deans’ face from behind her clouded sight. She stayed until the bar closed, and then even agreed to go to the man’s apartment, determined to forget about Dean completely. But as soon as he started kissing her and his hands traveled down her body, she sobered up and realized that no one night stand could take the pain away. She apologized and left, found a taxi and went back to the bunker. The sun was already rising as she came home, and she tried to be as quiet as possible and not wake the boys up. As she was passing the library, she saw the lights on, and went to see who was there. Her heart constricted when she saw Dean sitting in the armchair, his eyes pointed to the door, holding an empty glass of whiskey in his hand, looking like a man on death row. His eyes were half closed, but she could see all the sadness and remorse and regret written all over his face, and something broke in her. She knew that there was no getting over Dean Winchester. No other man could ever come even close to him. She was lost to all men. She wanted him, and nobody else. So she went straight to him, slipping out of her high heels on the way. He watched her wearily the whole time, tensing as she came close enough to smell.  
“So, did you have a good time?” he slurred drunkenly. “Did he make you scream his name like I used to? Did you touch him, like you used to touch me, driving me crazy?” He was utterly broken as he said the last words, and she sighed and tried to lift him up from the chair, taking his glass away.  
“Come on Dean, let’s get you to bed.”  
“No, tell me” he whispered. “I need to know if you got over me. I need to know if you are happy now” his eyes watering again. “I know it’s none of my business, and that I lost you, but I need you to tell me, so that I can squash that last piece of hope and let you go.” He looked her in the eyes, his speech sobering him a little. She was kneeling by the armchair, her head next to his, and her tears slipped without permission down her face. She was struggling with her heart, with her body. Every nerve wanted to hug him and tell him that she is still his and only his, that he will never lose her and that she will never love another, but that small piece of her mind held her back. He reached up and brushed her tears away, slowly caressing her face and all her walls broke. She leaned into him, put her head on his shoulder and started sobbing like she has never done before in his presence. Dean stiffed, scared that she was hurt or something, but then reached for her, lifted her off the floor and put her in his lap, caressing her hair and whispering into her ear “Oh, Alex, I love you, I love you so much. You don’t know how sorry I am. I would do anything, sell my soul to go back to that night and undo it all. Please forgive me, ‘cause honestly, I don’t know how to live without you anymore.”  
This only made her sob more, and she put her arms around his neck and laid her head on his chest, inhaling his scent that she missed so much. “Oh, Dean…” she whimpered, “I love you too.” That was all she could say, and all he needed to hear. He started rocking her slightly back and forth, feeling his life coming back into his body and able to breathe again in such a long time. After a while, her sobs calmed down and she felt this incredible hunger for him, so she raised her eyes to meet his and one look was all it took. He crashed his lips to hers, pushing her mouth open with his tongue, rushing inside and reclaiming her as his. Her fingers slipped behind his head in his hair and she pushed him even closer to her, making him gasp and moan loudly in her mouth. He stood up, taking her with him and started towards his room. “I don’t care if you fucked that guy tonight. I want to make love to you now. Will you please make love to me?”  
“Oh, Dean you are a fool. I couldn’t stand the thought of somebody else’s arms around me. I couldn’t fuck him if my life depended on it. You are the only one I love. Your name is the only name that I want to scream. Your hands are the only hands that I want around me. And I’ve missed you so much. So yes, please make love to me. Now.”  
Dean gulped, swallowed her lips and all but ran to his room, laying her gently on his bed, parting his lips from hers only for a second so that both could slip out of their clothes. In a second they were naked, their bodies entangled in each other, their hands roaming all over, reconnecting, rejoicing in sweet reunion. Deans’ lips travelled from her lips down her neck and throat to her breasts, his hands going even lower, to the beginning of her thighs, slipping a finger inside her wetness and she let out a loud moan mixed with his name. She grabbed his cock, already throbbing from excitement and started pumping it with her hand. Dean growled and leaned close to her, whispering in her ear. “Baby, if you do that one more time, I’m going to come, and I want to come inside you. Can I please come inside you?” She moaned, arched her back at his words and nodded slowly. “Please Dean, fuck me now.” He lost it. In a second he was inside her, pushing all the way to the hilt with one strong thrust, his balls hitting her ass, just like he knew she liked. She screamed his name, losing herself in the man she loved, in his body, in his scent, in his hands, feeling whole again. He buried himself inside her and tears started rolling down his cheeks again from the sensation of complete blissfulness. He had to grind his teeth in order not to come right then. He started moving slowly, very slowly, but her moans were getting louder, her gasps were taking him to higher levels of happiness, so before long, his thrusts became erratic, his breathing ragged and when he felt her walls tightening around him in sweet ecstasy, he let go, spilling his seeds deep inside her, planting himself there, marking her as his again. He wrapped his hands around her back, pulling her to him as they both trembled through their orgasms, kissing her on the lips, on the cheeks, on her eyes, whispering “I love you, you’re mine, I will never let you down again” over and over again, long after their breathing went to normal and their heartbeats slowed. She lay there, in his arms, eyes closed, feeling loved and cherished. As he finally pulled out of her, they both winced and missed the warmth, so Dean pulled her to him, wrapping an arm around her waist, and she laid her head on his shoulder. “I really missed this” she mumbled and Dean squeezed her shoulder. “Me, or sex?” he tried to make a joke and she rose her eyebrows at him “What do you think Winchester?” He smiled, but his face turned serious.  
“Will you ever forgive me Alex?” he looked at her, his expression one of heartbreak.  
She sighed. “I don’t know Dean. I’ll try. All I know is that I can’t live without you, and damn it, I don’t want to let one stupid mistake ruin all our lives. But that hurt Dean, and I don’t know how long it will take until I’ll be able to forget that image of you in bed with another woman.”  
He swallowed hard. “I know now how you felt and how much it hurts. I sat there in that library for hours, imagining you in his arms, and I don’t think that going to hell again would have hurt so much. I was livid with jealousy, furious at you, at myself. I think I broke a couple of stuff in the library. And then it hit me. You must have felt so also, and that’s when the real pain set in. Because I deserve everything that happens to me, but you, you only deserve the best. And I’m far from good Alex. I ruin everything I touch. I’m poison and I know it.” She started shaking her head and talking, but he put two fingers on her lips “Please let me finish. I know I don’t deserve you. But I also know that I can’t live without you. So I will do anything, be anything, just to make you happy again, and never doubt my love for you. Will you please let me try? If you don’t want to, I’ll respect that, but…” Now was his turn to shut up, so Alex leaned in and put her lips on his, kissing him deeply, as sweetly as possible, pouring all her feelings into the kiss. He moaned at the intensity of it, and felt his whole body relax, and then light up again, tensing from the passion he felt. His hands started down her body again, caressing every inch of it, and she felt desire burn inside at his touch. They made long and sweet love, slowly, tenderly, like it’s their first time all over again, screaming their names as bliss hit them simultaneously and knew that this time it really is forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments welcome!


End file.
